Read James 4:13-17

Like many of you, I tried to plan my life. I had a five-year plan and all the next steps thought out.

I think I started planning my life in 8^th grade when I was knee deep into my journey in musical theater. It was all I wanted in life. It was shortly after my 8^th grade year began that I would tell my mother my plans to move to New York City and pursue theater. And there I was, graduated from high school, moved to NYC and spending a summer semester in the school of my dreams and succeeding, only to find out that financially my scholarship wouldn’t allow me to attend a conservatory. Like many of you have learned over and over in your life, God had a different plan. Yet, He has used that situation and part of my story to teach me and grow my relationship with Him.

I wanted my name in lights, He wanted my attention. I wanted applause, He wanted to be my stability. I wanted to be the star, He wanted my heart.

When looking at what James is writing in chapter 4, I can’t help but think about the fact that I still struggle with this. I still try to plan my life out. I still try to be in control and every day, at least once, I fail at surrendering my will for His.

Take a look at Jesus in the garden. He goes before the Lord. I can see Him now, on His knees before the Father, and weeping at the thought of the pain and heartache to come and yet, at the end of this raw emotional moment with the Father, Jesus says the most primitive 5 words…

“Not my will but Yours”.

Is this easy? No. Is this something we will constantly fail at? Yes. Is this something we have the power to do?

Absolutely.

There is power in the name of Jesus. He lives within us and it’s by that very power that we are able to go back to the throne room on our knees and surrender to the Lord. To be raw and real and tell Him exactly where we are with our circumstance but walk away, knowing that He has our best in mind.

A very wise woman once told me, “Not every decision has to be super spiritual. Not every decision has to be prayed about for months and years at a time, begging for the Lord to show His will. Sometimes, when you are walking hand in hand with Jesus, sometimes He just wants you to make a decision…He will let you know His will.”

That was some of the best advise I have ever received because I was tormented by the thought of not doing God’s will with any decision, because of my past of wanting to live for myself and for life to be about me. I learned to accept the grace and freedom in my relationship with Jesus, knowing He would always show me His best. I just need to surrender constantly.

Not my will, but His. May He be honored in everything we say and do.

Kelly Lawson